i've been growing my hair for two year, from an angled bob it's now several inches past my shoulders, long layers and a swoop of bang-ish things, i love it. all summer i was so tempted to cut it off because most of my work is not air conditioned and it could get miserable...but i'm so glad i resisted. i'd forgotten how much i love my hair long.

i had pancakes and scrambled eggs for dinner. tonight i am glad i don't own a scale.

i got my navel pierced when i was 17. the piercer told me to use dial soap to keep it clean. i am almost 25 and i have to use dial soap in the shower every day or i don't feel clean enough.

i'm 25 and have no children, but yesterday i did something that for some reason made me feel very maternal. i'm home taking care of my mom, who just recently had a brain hemorrhage and had surgery again this week, and the neighbor across the street was letting his yappy yorkies run all over our yard, causing all the neighborhood dogs to start barking. he stood in his driving yelling "hey! shut up!" at them. i scooped up the dogs, plopped them down in his yard and said, "please keep them over here so my mom can rest." and i don't feel the least bit guilty.

he was trying to describe how he feels when i'm not around. he looked into my eyes and said "i crave you." ...wow.

he was trying to describe how he feels when i'm not around. he looked into my eyes and said "i crave you." ...wow.

it's been 4 months since my mom had an aneurysm that ruptured. the doctors said if she lived she'd have massive brain damage- she is making a full recovery, back to work full-time and everything. she's starting to ask questions about what happened, decisions I had to make, etc. i'm not ready to tell her yet, but for the first 48 hours, i was terrified she was going to die. but i am telling her other things like the 10% chance she had of making it through the first night, she deserves to know how much of a miracle she is.

just found out i'll be working in the housing units christmas eve and christmas day. i'm kind of relieved, although i feel guilty admitting it. ever since my parents divorced and my brother got engaged to a pill-head, holidays just arent what they used to be...

i'm a federal employee who makes 50k a year. i have no savings, because i've been in the workforce less than two years and i got so focused on paying off college debt that i completely did not realize the importance of saving for now, not just for retirement. the near-shutdown has completely changed my thoughts on that. missing one paycheck would have screwed me, and i am embarrassed by that.

Really, CW? You have the least amount of time working for our agency, and yet you have asked for everything to be changed to suit you. You have terrible boundaries and are going to get walked right out the front door some day. You don't want to be associated with the program the rest of us run, you want to do your own thing...until you have a problem or want help. And now you're going over our boss' head to the department chief to ask for special treatment? My brain-to-mouth filter is breaking down. The gloves are coming off sometime this week, I can feel it. Oh, and quit glaring at us.

i am so mad at one of my therapy groups. there were serious issues between some of them last week and they wasted two hours of group dancing around the issues, then when i went home for the day (they stay, it's a prison) they got together and "sorted it out." oh, and talked about me, so one of them says. they aren't allowed to meet as a group without the therapist. i know i shouldn't be so surprised. i have group with them tomorrow and need to get a game plan together to handle the issue without letting my frustration take over.

just had my first "assaulted by an inmate" dream. and now im wide awake at 1 am and feeling weird about going to work tomorrow. at least in the dream i was able to restrain him.

my boss is out all week...big sigh of relief in our department :)

i have been not-seriously playing around with the idea of contacting my ex-fiancee to ask what he did with my wedding dress, veil, etc. when he called it off. we were 700 miles apart (military) and it was all at his place. he led me on with "yes im going to send it" for months, until i just never heard from him again. last night i had a dream that i ran into him and asked, and he simply said "i threw it away." i woke up with the closure i needed. finally.

joined a gym yesterday. had an evaluation and workout with a personal trainer. i havent been fit or felt fully confident since high school, because i dont know how to workout without a coach...i feel awesome today and cant wait to go back tomorrow! i have a lot of work to do but i am ready!!!

One of our clients who is very mentally ill attempted suicide last night. Today was emotionally draining. My heart hurts for him, and the guilt (irrational as it may be) is just about overwhelming. I am so thankful he is ok and agreeable to getting help.

he said he would call. he didn't. so here i sit, drinking cheap wine, watching the hangover, and starting to think i'd rather just not deal with the hassle of dating.

he said he would call. he didn't. so here i sit, drinking cheap wine, watching the hangover, and starting to think i'd rather just not deal with the hassle of dating.