One of the girls I babysit, choked on a piece of toast this morning. I had to give her the heimlich. It was the most terrifying two minutes of my whole life. I keep thinking- did that really just happen? Holy shit...

I have two boys (3,6), and I babysit three girls (1,2,3). On top of that today, I had my bosses two kids (2,4), who are super sweet, but SO destructive. I could just cry after today, I don't think I'm cut out for this.

Biology means squat, absolutely nothing to me. Especially on a day like today. My husband is not our oldest's biological father and my Dad is not mine. They are both incredible, amazing, wonderful fathers. I am so blessed to have them both.

I just gave my months notice to the dayhome agency. I am so relieved. My kids hate this, I hate this- and I really thought I was about to have a nervous breakdown. I thought that I had the 'right stuff'- I thought wrong. It's a huge hit to our finances (Hubs is not too happy about that), but I don't care if I end up working fries at McDonalds, it will be better than this. I only made it 9 months with 4 under 3, kudos to those of you who can do this longterm.

So I decided doing daycare wasn't for me, gave my agency notice and I'm done at the end of July. Hubby didn't really have my back about it, but I was absolutely losing my mind with 5 toddlers all day and it wasn't good for anyone. I decided to find night work, he's not happy with that. I said I'd find something during the day, he doesn't want to pay for daycare. I suppose I should just stay miserable then DH? God forbid I make a career choice based on MY wants and needs and not those of you and the kids.