Sometimes i get so upset and angry and hate myself so much that i want my body to be in as much pain as my mind

I feel like im stuck in a rut...im trying to better myself and my life for my kids but I feel like everytime i take a step forward I take two steps back. School is hard.

It really frustrates me that my neighbors are horrible babysitters to my other neighbors kids. They make this 14 month old sleep 75% of the time he is there and when he wont lay down they spank him and yell at him! They offer to watch my kids sometimes and i always decline. They say things like "what you dont want me to watch your kids" and i usually reply "No i see how you treat *names* kids. They say "o we dont treat your kids that way, just hers" .....I dont believe them and if i did it would still be horrible.

When is it my turn to get a break?

I dont think my boyfriend of 3 years loves me anymore...we just dont talk the way we used to. Were not in the type of love where we want to be together, it almost like we are roomates that fuck. This is so depressing i dont know what to do. How can i communicate with him?

I swear sometimes he pisses me off so badly i cant even look at him

Maybe i am overprotective of my children and maybe to you my husband and I are boring because we dont go out and party all the time but at least i respect myself enough not to stay with someone who controls my life and wont get a job. LOSER!

I have been with the father of my daughter for three years....im changing (for the better) and he isnt. Im quitting smoking, getting healthier and going to school to make a career for myself. He wants none of that. He wont better himself and hes not romantic and he wont get a good job....I dont think i love him i dunno